Victorian Ladies

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb?

One hundred.

One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths.

Sweet Talker

On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea and both accept. The man tries to be sweet to his wife, saying “Pass the sugar, sugar.... Pass the honey, honey.”

Then he says, “Pass the tea, you old bag.”