Idiots Jokes

Simple Joe who is mad for the horses thought he had a sure winner the other day at the track. The tote board listed his horse as starting at 25 to 1, and he knew the race didn’t start until 1:00 p.m.

Take Off My Clothes

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt.

Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.

Bellboy

Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.
"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."

Some Plants

"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog'. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by 'dog'."

"I can," shouted a blonde. "Collieflower!"

That's Really Hot

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot -- because you can catch a cold!

Funny Apple

Q: What did the apple say to the orange?

A: I despise you for being different from me.

Idiots Jokes

The mailperson rings the doorbell and as says: I have a parcel here, but the name on its obliterated.

Smiths says: Can’t be for me, then. My name is Smiths.

Hot Revenge

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.

A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''

The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''

Give or Take a Gazillion

The Secretary of Defense is briefing President Bush on Iraq. "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!"

His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.

Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"